Se7en Comments And A Trip To The Beach…

The hardest thing about having se7en kids, for me is all the unsolicited comments we receive. Good or bad we get a lot of them. When there are a lot of you, you become public property. Every onlooker has a comment. Just from the car park to the mall entrance can result in five comments. Don’t even ask what happens once we are inside. And staying focused and getting anything done can be quite a problem!

Mostly they are comments like: How do you do it? Are you mad? Rather you than me… And now it is the time of year for trips to the beach and lazing in the sun. Yesterday we dashed to the beach because that’s how we do it… Dashing!

7:30 hmmm beautiful day… Toss some brownies (beach breakfast!) into the oven… take the father person his morning coffee and stir se7en kids yes there are always some little late sleepers that need a bit of a prod. A couple of people have chores – 5 minutes for chores. Toilet dash. Grab the beach toy bag, grab the swimming bag, grab the brownies and grab the father person.

By 8:05 we are on the beach… everyone has eaten something, everyone is playing – dashing around like larks. They know that it will be an hour or an hour and a half tops before the sun gets too intense and we leave. Not to mention the father person hates the beach – it’s sandy – and there is only so much a man can stand!

So there I am relaxing on the blanket with a book, the father person is snoozing and the Hoods are scattered to the four winds… digging, collecting, splashing… everything is very busy and intense… everyone has someone to play with and everyone is totally happy.

And along comes a one toddler child family and I kid you not: a clothing bag, a nappy/diaper bag, a snack bag, a swimming bag, a cooler bag, a toy bag, a camera bag, a hand bag… a beach ball, a beach umbrella, beach bats and balls and a kite. Said toddler child was accompanied by three adults: Mom, Dad and Grandpa… said child needed them – just as luggage bearers!

Then the mom took the toddler child to one side and replaced every item of clothing with: a lathering of sunscreen (I will never understand why this doesn’t get done before kids leave home and then there is no fight at the beach), a swim nappy, a swimsuit, a sun suit and a sun hat down to its toes. Except I couldn’t see the toes because they were in special swim shoes. Clearly, said child must have tactile issues because it was not allowed to experience the sand… and if it didn’t have tactile issues before, well it does now. All the while the dad is putting up the umbrella and trying to anchor it on a sandy beach in the blustery south easter– mmm…

The dad despaired of the umbrella, and said child was carried over the sand towards the vast ocean… No tentative splashing at the waters edge, no jumping over waves while holding a parents hand – none of that. Rather a a ceremonial dunking, in all its sun-sand-water proof regalia followed by a head splitting wail that continued… and continued…no amount of unpacking the toy bag, the cooler bag, the snack bag – or any bag for that matter… just an enormous amount of wailing – and I mean earsplitting, heart stopping, inconsolable wailing. All in the name of fun…

And our time was up: Toys back in the bag, kids back in the car – and we didn’t forget the father person on the beach. Total round trip of fun from home back to home takes less than 2 hours… including driving time…

In the same length of time the toddler child had managed to get slathered in sunscreen and have a hysteria attack of note… Anyway as we wandered off the beach the harassed mom looked at me and said: “I don’t know how you do it.”

And all the while I was thinking to myself: “Goodness, I don’t know how she does it.” But I didn’t comment…